Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
