Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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