spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
