I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
