are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
