I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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