I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
