I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she told me i tasted like america
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
