I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
