He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
