What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
