Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
