It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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