Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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