Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
