So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
