I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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