No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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