We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
