I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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