You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
