smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have demons in me.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
