They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
