So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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