I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
