I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
