Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
