Porn is love you can see.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
