I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
