You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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