Moan for me like Helen Keller
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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