I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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