I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
