I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
