I heard we made out
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she looked like the before picture.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Drake has all the answers
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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