Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
