Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
