My cat gives me a boner
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
