Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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