Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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