Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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