You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
