Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
