And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
