Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize