he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
