It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
