Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
