hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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