matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
