Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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