sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
