...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
