Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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