you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
