I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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