stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize