I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
