it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
