Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
