The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
