I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
