I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
