hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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