Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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