Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
